TEACHER ARRESTED  IN  NEW YORK -    A public school  teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as  he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a  protractor,  a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

 

At a morning  press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man  is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.    He did  not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying  weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney  General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and  sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.'  They  use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as  'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common  denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every  country. 

 

As the Greek  philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every  triangle'.    When asked to comment  on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better  weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and  toes.'  

 

White House  aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound  statement by the President.  It is believed that the Nobel  Prize for Physiques will follow.