Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?" The second
engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The
first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The
priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes.
That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's
so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The
engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build
targets.
Understanding Engineers #5The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a
civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful
princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog
then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look,
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog
-- now that's cool."
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