Understanding Engineers #1
>
> Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
> one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
>
> The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
> minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw
> it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
>
> The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the
> clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
>
>
>
> Understanding Engineers #2
>
> To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
>
> To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
> To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
>
>
>
> Understanding Engineers #3
>
> A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
> those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
>
> The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
> golf!"
>
> The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word
> with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of
> us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
>
> The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
> firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
> year, so we always let them play for free anytime!" The group fell silent
> for a moment.
>
> The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer
> for them tonight."
>
> The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
> colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
>
> The engineer said, "Why don't they play at night?"
>
>
>
> Understanding Engineers #4
>
> What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
>
> Mechanical engineers build weapons.
>
> Civil engineers build targets.
>
>
>
> Understanding Engineers #5
>
> The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>
> The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>
> The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
>
> The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
>
>
> Understanding Engineers #6
>
> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
> have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
> Just look at all the joints."
>
> Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
> has many thousands of electrical connections."
>
> The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
> engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
> recreational area?"
>
>
> Understanding Engineers #7
>
> Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
> believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
>
>
> Understanding Engineers #8
>
> Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its
> top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
>
> "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one
> engineer, "but we don't have a ladder."
>
> The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and
> laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her
> pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty-one feet, six
> inches," and walked away.
>
> One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us.
> We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
;-)